'You're way out of his league:' Woman Suddenly Becomes Aggressive When Defending Boyfriend's Appearance, Leading Him to Develop Insecurities

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  • 01
    r/relationship_advice u/ThrowRA12425 • 1d My (27M) fiancé (25F) is out of my league and the snide comments people make about our relationship are starting to get to her. What can I do to make this better for her?
  • 02
    My fiancé is much better looking than I am. I'm not an ugly guy but I'm pretty average looking. My fiancé is far from average. She is my sister's best friend and we have known each other forever and that's how I got her. She's also smart and warm and legitimately funny too. Just way out of my league.
  • 03
    Now, if I had a dime for every time someone said to her "what are you doing with him?" I'd be a rich man. She would laugh about it in the beginning but over time she stopped laughing and gets defensive when people make those types of comments, even if they are joking. She's lost friends because they told her that she could do better. She's gotten into fights with her family for the same reason. I tell her that she doesn't need to defend me. I'm proud to be with her and I know she is out of my le
  • 04
    I honestly don't know what I can do to help mitigate this other than to have great career success. I studied really hard in college and work really hard now pretty much just so I can be successful and become worthy of her. Any advice on how I should navigate this?
  • 05
    Edit: By out of my league I really mean that in terms of how the rest of the world sees it's. My fiancé has literally caused car accidents because guys took their eyes off the road to stare at her. Like I mentioned she is my sister's best friend and I was her first crush when she was like 11. I think that nostalgia has a lot to do with how I got her. And I know she chose me and I know she loves me the person. 1,148 362 8
  • 06
    le_halfhand_easy ⚫ 1d She's defensive because they are being to her, to her choices, and to you. Back her up. Do not laugh it off. It is getting to you and it clearly got to her. Be on her side. Say it is not cool to make judgement calls like that. Have some boundaries with those people. Say your words calmly, firmly, and do not lose temper. Stand up for her and for your relationship. That's how you mitigate that. And talk to her about it. This is something you two can work on as a couple to bea
  • 07
    Taminella_Grinderfal⚫ 1d My favorite way to shut people like this down is to just relentlessly ask a variation of "why" until they give up from embarrassment having to explain themselves. • • . "why are you with that guy?" why do you ask? Well he's not very good looking • why?
  • 08
    • • • well I mean, he doesn't really dress nice and you're so much prettier ok. well I don't get it, you could be with a better looking guy. • why? 598
  • 09
    Agitated-Bee-1696 • 16h I prefer "...did you mean to say that out loud?" Or "why would you think that's an appropriate question/thing to say?" 317
  • 10
    RiverSong 777 • 19h Every single friend and family member who keeps making these comments because of her partner's looks deserves to be out of her life. Why are there so many superficial people in her life in the first place? Shouldn't adults know there's a lot more to a happy relationship than looks? Д 89 ⇓
  • 11
    Artneedsmorefloof • 1d First off, do not express that you are wondering if this is making her doubt your relationship. That is a massive insult to her. Seriously, it is implying she is influenced by peer pressure and unable make her own decisions. If you are feeling insecure, that is a you problem and you need to resolve it, don't dump it on her. Google self- reassurance and self-soothing techniques for anxiety and insecurity.
  • 12
    Second, that must be very annoying and irritating for both of you, even worse than having to listen to someone make the same dumb joke about your name for the 100,000th time. What I am going to suggest is that you take a quiet time with good beverages and snacks and have a chat with her. Start with "I noticed how many times people keep telling you that you are out of my league and I love that you defend us. I know this must be as irritating as heck for you to have to do this again and again. Is
  • 13
    Me? I am a bit of an so I like to throw the awkward right back at people like that: Responses from me would typically be: "That is a weird thing to say, why would you think that is a good thing to say?" "Hmmm, trying to give a compliment by insulting their taste in partners. I would have never thought of that. How does that work out for you? Do people thank you or just think you are nasty?" "Please explain why you think that is an appropriate thing to say"
  • 14
    "Good to know your judgement is poor and opinions are worthless. I will keep that in mind for future conversations." "Your lack of manners are showing. You may want to pop off to the bathroom and fix that." (aka speaker is full of excrement) I would recommend that if you decide to follow my approach, you confirm with your GF beforehand she is okay with it. It is also okay if you think this is too much escalation, it is not an approach for everyone.
  • 15
    HOWEVER, I strongly recommend you stop laughing or pretend laughing in response. Uncomfortable silence and eye contact for at least 30 seconds, and a change of topic blatantly ignoring "the joke". The only way this sort of thing stops is by making it clear this is socially unacceptable. ... Reply 946
  • 16
    jamicam • 1d People bring more to a relationship than physical appearance. I suggest you stop saying things like she is out of your league. These are the same type of comments that upset her when others make them. Why add to that? Reply 194
  • 17
    Agile-Wait-7571 • 1d You didn't "get" her. She's an autonomous being who sees something wonderful in you. Anyone who questions you is not someone whose opinion you need to consider. She's not an accessory. My wife is gorgeous. A dude asked me once: how come she's with you? I said because I have a huge Reply 129
  • 18
    Not-nuts 1d What kind of people is she hanging out with that would say things like that? ... ← Reply 156
  • 19
    feltqtmightdlt • 1d If you haven't seen Who Framed Roger Rabbit there's a scene that gives a great explanation. Jessica Rabbit is a femme fatale, red hot bombshell. Roger Rabbit is a goofy ridiculous rabbit. Jessica is asked why she's with him and she says "He makes me laugh."
  • 20
    When they are reunited at the end you can see just how much they love and adore each other. Also my guy, the "out of my league" concepts are . You are worthy of her, full stop. If you guysove each other, respect each other, trust each other, and have a solid healthy happy relationship then that is enough. Everyone who thinks she can do better can, and should, die mad about iy because they are jealous, judgmental, small minded rats. Reply 56
  • 21
    No_Jaguar67 • 1d She's getting defensive because she loves you. It's cute at first, but after a while it hurts to see folks make comments like this about someone you love. Sounds like this is more of an issue for you than her. Honor her willingness to fight friends and family by offering her comfort and being her rock. Being more successful never hurts, but you should give the girl more credit. ... ← Reply 35 ↓

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